lifeconstantly I redefine my thoughts on how old I am

always youthful, fun, alive, carefree

but trapped by the things in life I have yet to do

and feeling time pulling at me

saddened by the passing of the years

my bones ache

I am un-amused by childish actions

Grow up! I think, frowning in disapproval

and yet

I want nothing more than fun and free time

to do nothing for an entire day

to act the child and

to forget

I want a career

I want to finish school

but will school teach me what I want to know…

my mortality comes into question

it is just life, I say, live it and have fun

as if there will be more after this one

wait, this is it

it’s all I have so far as I know

when I die there is no more

I need to make the most of my time

I’m old now, a third of the way through my life

maybe half

maybe I’ll die tomorrow

time is fleeting

then I see how seriously others can take this world

I want nothing of thei graveness

I still grasp at the innocence of childhood

the beauty in the unknowing

to hell with it

today I will burn a bible and watch Carl Sagan

I will learn Spanish

I will call in sick from work

I will “stay and play” and buy gumballs, and watch them spiral down a clear slide

I will drink bottles of wine and read Tortilla Flat by lamp light

vagabond for a day

making memories for fear than I will need them when I’m older



for weekly writing challenge


weekly writing challenge: Silence


Shut your eyes

A melon baller sits on the table next to you

And a nut cracker

And a cheese grater

You, with these things next to you, wait for hours

Waiting for a man to arrive and use them

Your mind flares up with fear and uncontrollable anger

Then you breathe and try not to think

Let the silence take you, passing time in limited capacity

You find solace in the unfairness of the world

The cruelty

You think of your family

Of your children and your wife’s eyes

You wonder who is in the next room and sadness come over you

Off in the distance you think you hear boots approaching

Clapping the cement in oscillating rhythm

You prepare for the inevitable questions that you have no answers for

You can hear them now in your head

You tell yourself not give up others to be put in your spot

You pray for a quick death

You know that it won’t come and that you will say everything

Your eyes dart to the instruments beside you

The melon baller in your eye socket

The nut cracker around the joints of your fingers

The cheese grater on your skin

In you anus

You feel the pain, choking, and it explodes into release

You find silence again

Because you must

And you wait